Another day, another vent

I'm sad with the world again.

Seems to be a running theme lately.

Here in Canada they are trying to widen the parameters of assisted death and Im finding it real hard.

Should we offer assisted death to those with mental illness?

To me its a big fat no. .  and thats coming from experience.

I've made a number of attempts on my life, often stopped by strangers but mostly stopped by intense shame and guilt. When I was around 20 I learned of a clinic in the netherlands that could assist with suicide and it seemed like an accepted route for me to take. I spoke with the clinic and at the time thought it was the best option for me to escape the chronic depression, anxiety and on the worst days, voices in my head.

Although I spent a further 6 years in hell before commiting to recovery, I have it in good authority to say IT DOES GET BETTER.

Mental illness is fragile but it is also maliable to some extent.

Offering death to someone in their worst head space, to me, is giving up on the idea of recovery.

Whats even more heartbreaking is that some people in the disability community are already seeing this as a positive option due to the lack of equality and severe poverty they are subjected to.

The disabled community has been shunned and marginalized for the longest time. In Canada the government provides us with $375 for rent and with average rental prices for a studio apartment starting at $1200, people are having to make the choice between shelter and food. We have an evergrowing homeless problem with no reasonable solutions thus far. 

Is this what its come to? 

We'd rather die than live another day in an exhausted system.

I agree that assisted death has a place, but it must be taken on a case by case basis and opening it up to those with mental illness is really pushing the limit for me.

If I had went through with it I would never have got to see the magic of life. I would never have gotten to make so many great memories and connections.

It seemed like the only option at the time but minds change.

We need big changes to the system, we need more support and we need it NOW.

I don't want it to be too little, too late for my fellow mental health warriors, I just. . I can't come to terms with this idea at all.

Love xo