Here we go, again!

Ah spring, you tricky little bitch.

I’m all for sunshine, but the season change is a real head spin.

I’m not gonna lie, I’m struggling.

My mood chart shows I’ve had less than 8 hours sleep consistently for a week.

Superstar DJs heeeere we go!

This happens every big season change. Summer/ Fall and Winter/ Spring. I kinda see it as a given at this point, but it still ALWAYS throws me off track.

It’s funny to think that a year ago we first went into lock down, being off work and everyone in my life being stressed and anxious, somehow made my seasonal episode less impactful. 

Like, we were all absolutely flat out losing it but we were all losing it together!

This time I’m highly aware that I’m bugging people, posting random insta stories, sending 5 texts at a time or keeping Steve awake by talking to myself, singing or giggling too loud.

And I can’t just say ‘well, Covid!’, this time around haha

Damn. 

I’m leaning on my care strategies hard. 

Low lights. Staying away from my computer so that I don’t get overwhelmed with news or tempted to do some irrational online shopping. Relaxing music. Doggie snuggles. Walking away from conflict. 

I should really have a bath and meditate but I just can’t get myself to that level of chill yet.

I’ve been wandering around the house, moving from room to room. Dancing, skipping. 

Incessantly scrolling on my phone while watching tv with absolutely no awareness of what I’m seeing on either screen.

BUT 

At least by trying to focus on one of those screens, I’m paying less attention to whatever thoughts are swimming around the old noggin.

Steve and I know what to do if it gets worse, we are prepared.

For now it’s just some hypomania and we have plans should it continue into full blown mania.

It’s always a bit of a scare at the winter/ spring season change as that’s when my most major episode hit. It gives me the chilly willys just thinking about it, but I’m glad I can work proactively these days and avoid the total spin out of control.

I took my old faithful steps today of emergency meds and some benzos to slow me down. It didn’t work right enough, but hey, I tried!

I’ve taken the super duper knock out drugs now and Im hoping for the best as I lay here pondering a hundred million obscene questions . . 

like why did someone invent the lampshade instead of just using a less bright bulb?

Or since blue tack is actually white tack here in Canada, is called some other colour tack in another continent I’m not aware of? 

Also, is there any kinds of creatures that have wings but don’t fly? . . I just looked it up, apparently ostriches have wings but don’t fly! 

But now that song ‘I have no specs, I cannot see’ is stuck in my head but instead I’m singing ‘I have some wings, I cannot fly’. 

That must be an absolute nightmare honestly, seeing all the wee birds and insects with wings just hovering around the sky and you’re like ‘fuck do these things do?’

Any hoozles.

That’ll be me trying to get to sleep then hahaha

Await future messages of hypomanic chit chat 🙏