It's not all black & white.

I have this habit of going all in or all out.

It's a common error in thinking.

Looking back over the years that tends to be my go to.

Mmmm. .

In the past few months with everything going on, my mind has taken a step backward and I have moved back into this black & white way of thinking. 

Before psychosis I was quite the negative thinker, I was suspicious and always premeditating the worst of a situation.

Psychosis opened my eyes to a more positive way of thinking, yes I was completely out of touch with reality, but I was aware that everything was connected and a positive influence made for a positive outlook and in turn, a happier life.

I slowly incorporated a more balanced approach in my mind. Things CAN be grey, colourful even.

Somewhere amidst this depression, the negative thoughts have crept back in. I find myself expecting the worst from situations, jumping to the last possible conclusion as opposed to the sprinkle of magic my eyes once saw.

I don't know where it is coming from and it's pissing me off.

OK, it's not all despair. Calm down, Natalie. It gets better.

Extra therapy and CBT classes are going a long way in correcting these errors but as with everything it's going to take some time to get back to an even keel.

It's just making for a bit of an emotional rollercoaster.

It's literally grey matter. .  HAHA, I made a funny. . It helps regulate emotion? No? 

K, FINE.

I'm getting there.

Love xo